Iron Alert

According to Variety, Robert Downey Jr. will be playing Iron Man in the film by the same name. The director will be Jon Favreau, who doesn't have a lot of credentials in that capacity but has so far been solid--not amazing, not terrible, just plain ol' vanilla.

Speaking of Jon Favreau, he's also in production hell with another film currently titled John Carter of Mars, based on the novels by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Valerie owns several of these novels and likes them, but they are what one might lovingly call "old-fashioned." It will be interesting to see what is done with them, assuming they don't quietly pass on to that big movie studio in the sky.

Here There Be Dragons

In the unending quest to make Valerie read novels on a deadline, a movie based on the best-selling fantasy book Eragon is coming to theaters on December 15.

It would be nice if this were something to get particularly excited about, but Valerie is highly prejudiced against Jeremy Irons after the disastrous Dungeons & Dragons movie. She likes to pretend that it didn't happen. However, John Malkovich and Robert Carlyle also star, so maybe it won't be a total disaster.

Quote du Jour

"Too much sanity may be madness, and the maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be."
--Miguel de Cervantes

Journey to the East...and Outer Space?

Last night, Liz and Valerie watched yet another film take on the Chinese classic Journey to the West. The plot is perhaps a little too complicated to convey in a short time, but let it suffice that it involves the journey of a monk to India to retrieve Buddhist scriptures and all the trials he has to go through on the way. This version, like many other film versions on the text, spoofs the classic tale and also takes a jab at modern Hong Kong and American cinema. A Chinese Tall Story focuses on the relationship between said monk and a lizard imp who we learn later is really an alien.

Confused? So were Liz and Valerie, but this didn't stop it from being an incredibly enjoyable film to watch. While there are serious gaps in the plot, making it confusing for those not familiar with the original text (aka Westerners), A Chinese Tall Story manages to keep you intrigued and entertained. Brimming with CG effects, prosthetic makeup (they even made the cute Charlene Choi ugly), and random dance scenes (Bollywood style), Liz and Valerie weren't sure they were watching a period piece, a slapstick comedy, or playing a video game.

Taking jabs at Spiderman, Star Wars, anime, Gordon Liu (he has a cameo) and even Wong Kar-Wai, the film leaves no one unscathed. Nicholas Tse even makes fun of himself at times. Which brings us to an important point: this film stars the favorite pop icon Nic Tse. And, believe it or not, Nic is bald because he plays the monk. Yup, no lovely locks in this one, though he does sport an exaggerated Elvis-style wig at one point (don't ask, just watch). It was hard for Liz and Valerie to accept that he shaved his head for this one, but never fear, he is still extremely cute.

While not the best movie, this is sufficiently tying Liz and Valerie over until John Woo's Battle of Red Cliff (based on one of the other classic Chinese novels) comes out.

Manhunt du Jour

Surely you remember playing Hide and Seek when you were a kid; Liz and Valerie certainly do. At some point, you either outgrow the need or you start playing a more grown-up version, perhaps involving paintball guns or laser tag. For some, the thrill of these pursuits simply wasn't enough, so they went one step further.

In New York, you can play StreetWars, a massive city-wide game in which you are assigned a target to "kill" with a water gun or some other liquid-related device. This game lasts three weeks, or as long as it takes until only one survivor remains... because, you know, there can be only one!

Liz and Valerie aren't sure how much fun it would be to live in near-constant terror for almost a month, but it could help with their ninja training. Too bad they don't live in New York.

Optimism du Jour

Last night, Liz and Valerie watched the series premiere of Heroes, a new show on NBC that deals with random people across the country who realize that they have, well, super powers. It certainly wasn't the best written show they've seen, but it gets the job done.

The character they find most intriguing is the mother whose reflection appears to be acting independently; said reflection did some pretty crazy stuff while the character was unconscious... or was it the character herself? Does she have multiple personalities? An evil twin in Mirrorworld? What the hell is going on? Liz and Valerie have no idea, but definitely want to know more.

Song du Jour

Does the song on this page remind you of Liz? Her friend JC seems to think it should. Liz and Valerie weren't sure why... at least, not at first.

Growing Up in Iran

Last Christmas, Liz's dad got her some really cool graphic novels, Persepolis and Persepolis 2. Instead of the usual super hero or fairy tale themed action that Liz and Valerie tend to enjoy, Persepolis is a more dramatic account of what it's like growing up in war-torn Iran. Translated from Persian, Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical tale deals with bombings, curfews, censorship and covering one's hair--things those of us in the west don't really have to worry about--but it is still a beautiful coming of age story that we can all identify with. Valerie was so moved by the first novel that she's not sure she's emotionally prepared for the second.

Maybe Val won't have to read it because the animated film version is now in production. Luckily, Marjane Satrapi is co-directing it so it maintains her style of art. Some cool people are doing the voices, including the great Catherine Deneuve. Check out some awesome pics here.

Liz and Val are pretty excited about this and hope it's as awesome as the novel. (At least it should be better than the Fantastic Four sequel...)

Trailer du Jour

Quickly, before it disappears... check out the trailer for Frank Miller's 300, based on a comic by the same name. Be warned: this one is extremely violent and probably not safe for work.

L'shanah tovah!

Happy Rosh Hashanah! Liz and Valerie, although not Jewish, will gladly celebrate by eating apples dipped in honey.

Now is also a good time to make resolutions for the new year; Liz resolves to become a rich editor, while Valerie resolves to stop biting her nails. They both resolve to become ninjas, so watch out!

Enter the Good Hair Life

This past weekend, Liz was able to watch the Hong Kong Triad spoof film Enter the Phoenix (thanks to Tiger Cinema). This little ditty sports an awesome cast including Eason Chan, Daniel Wu, Karen Mok, and Stephen Fung along with a slew of cameos from likes of Sammi Cheng to Jackie Chan.

A nice mix of drama, comedy and action make this film extremely enjoyable for the likes of Liz and Valerie. The great thing about it is all the classic Hong Kong films they spoof. While many viewers may not get all the references, for people of the Liz persuasion Enter the Phoenix is a rollicking good time. One example that most should get: Eason Chan learns they want him to become the "Big Brother" and he has a flash image of himself lighting a cigarette with burning cash. This, of course, is the classic image of Chow Yun-Fat in John Woo's A Better Tomorrow. (If you haven't seen it, you have to turn in your Cool Card.)

So, the film is sort of like a big inside joke. It makes you feel like one of the gang if you get all the jokes--you're "in the know." The moment in the film that Liz and Valerie find the most amusing involves a cameo from our little friend Nicholas Tse (The Promise, Gen-X Cops, New Police Story). He's been captured by a rival gang and while they're trying to decide what to do with him (chop his hand off, etc.), he looks up and says, "Beat me all you want, but don't touch my hair." Liz had to pause the movie so she wouldn't miss anything while laughing. A regular topic of conversation for Liz, Valerie and Eric is Nic Tse's hair. It always looks so perfect. He may be running through the streets shooting at people, or all "disheveled" and drunk, but always every strand of hair is strategically placed. It was almost like they made this joke specifically for Liz, Valerie and Eric. Of course, this must mean that in the HK entertainment circle, Nic is also known for his hair (besides being totally hot), but nonetheless this was hilarious. (By the way, they end up cutting part of his hair and putting little girl barrettes in it. Too funny.)

So Enter the Phoenix is a winner, but you may want to catch up on all the classic triad films before venturing into it.

Scary Statistics du Jour

Sometimes Liz and Valerie read an article that makes them go "Whoooouuuuaaa!" in surprise and alarm. According to a study by some guy at Rutgers University, grad students are dirty cheaters. This is especially distressing when you consider that these are the people who supposedly have the expertise to do things like prescribe medicine and build skyscrapers. Think about it: how good can they be if they had to cheat their way through school?

The worst part is, the business students who cheat (56%!) think it is "a necessary measure and the sort of practice they'd likely need to succeed in the professional world." This is why Liz and Valerie need to buy an island and form their own country--you know, one with ethical people instead of whiny rationalizers. If you are very good, they might invite you to join them.

Word du Jour

fanfaronade \fan-fair-uh-NAYD; -NOD\, noun:
1. Swaggering; empty boasting; blustering manner or behavior; ostentatious display.
2. Fanfare.

Site du Jour

Sometimes websites are funny. Like this one, for example. Enjoy.

Make Love the Jackie Chan Way

Word on the Hong Kong entertainment street is that Jackie Chan starred in a porn flick when he was young. Embarrassed Chan justifies his choice, saying "I had to do anything I could to make a living 31 years ago, but I don't think it's a big deal, even Marlon Brando used to be exposed in his movies."

Before you start freaking out, this isn't really a porno. It's a category III film called All in the Family. For the rest of us, this doesn't mean much; in conservative China, this is serious business. Category III denotes films with excessive violence, sex or any taboo-filled stories. In America these films would translate to an "R" or maybe even an "NC-17," but they rarely would reach our level of films rated "X." This isn't a seedy film shot in someone's house--it was produced by the favorite Raymond Chow and even has Sammo Hung and Dean Shek among the cast.

Intrigued? Chan does have a sex scene in the film, though there is not much nudity and to date, this is the only film of Chan's that has no fight or stunt sequences. Well, you gotta pay the bills somehow.

Liz and Valerie do love Asian movies, but will probably let this one go. Liz recommends The Accidental Spy instead. While there is no sex scene, this does have Jackie Chan running through the streets naked covering himself with an array of objects. It's not to be missed.

Did you just say "Avast"?

Although Liz and Valerie are ninjas, they are able to overcome their innate prejudice to wish everyone a happy Talk Like a Pirate Day. Celebrate with grog and women and buckle-swashing, or whatever it is you pirates do for fun.

Shire du Jour

When people finally realize how awesome Liz and Valerie are and start giving them money for it, they may have to move here. So it's not really Hobbiton, or even New Zealand--it's still pretty cool looking. And you know that no matter what, you're surrounded by people who love LotR as much as you do. Possibly more. Maybe a little too much.

Insert blindness joke here

You may recall that Liz is currently working on the "Making of" documentary for the film The Bunker, directed by the inimitable Joe Monks. She even edited one of the scenes, because she is awesome.

In today's Miami Herald, you too can read about what makes Joe special, namely that he's blind. Unless someone else steps forward to claim the title, he's actually the first blind dude to direct a feature film. Can you say marketing strategy?

But of course, Liz and Valerie can't mention Joe without giving a shout-out to Pam, his partner in crime. Valerie firmly believes that Pam can cook anything; she's one of those people who makes things like bread and whipped cream from scratch, which blows Valerie's mind. Liz, of course, made butter in her dorm room once, so such things are not quite as amazing to her. Nonetheless, a meal made by Pam is sure to delight.

Birthday du Jour

Today was Valerie's mom's birthday! To celebrate, she jumped out of a plane while Liz and Valerie waited safely on the ground and took pictures. Then, all parties involved saw fit to feast on Mexican food in honor of Independence Day, and the world was a good place.

Anime du Jour

"This work of fiction is not an accurate historical portrayal. Like we care. Now shut up and enjoy the show."

And thus begins Samurai Champloo, an anime that is sort of set in feudal Japan, but only in the sense that people wear kimonos and carry around katanas. The basic story involves a waitress who saves two guys from execution; in return, she wants them to help her find a "samurai who smells like sunflowers." Liz and Valerie have only seen four episodes, so they're not entirely sure what this means, but it sounds terribly interesting. Maybe.

One thing this show has plenty of is style. It's made by the same dude who brought you Cowboy Bebop, so you know the soundtrack at least will be amazing. Instead of brassy jazz and sultry lounge-singer stock, Samurai Champloo favors hip-hop and R&B of a sort. If you're thinking that's pretty anachronistic and weird, you'd be wrong; it's totally awesome and somehow fits perfectly.

Liz and Valerie enjoyed it immensely; if you like crazy fights and high body counts, you'll probably like it, too. Disc two cannot arrive from Netflix soon enough.

Finger-pointing du Jour

Valerie is a firm proponent of personal responsibility; people make choices, and people suffer the consequences of those choices. That's why Valerie doesn't like to see quotes like this one, which refers to McDonalds:

"It's good that they are funding useful medical research, but that doesn't absolve them of their responsibility to serve nutritious food to children," said Daniel Borochoff, president of the American Institute of Philanthropy, a Chicago-based charity watchdog group.

Maybe Valerie is crazy, but last time she checked, McDonalds had the responsibility to serve whatever the hell they felt like serving. As long as stupid parents buy fatty food for their fat children, McDonalds is perfectly justified in selling the fatty food to the stupid people. Once the sale of fatty food becomes unprofitable, then McDonalds can start to sell tofu burgers and organic fruits; until then, they can sell whatever makes them wheelbarrows full of cash.

Meanwhile, people need to shut the hell up and stop letting their kids eat at McDonalds if they have a problem with fatty food. It's not like anyone is force-feeding them...

French Film du Jour

Liz and Valerie dearly love Luc Besson, director of amazing films such as Nikita, The Professional, and The Fifth Element. As such, they are excited about his upcoming film Arthur and the Invisibles, a.k.a. Arthur et les Minimoys for those of the French persuasion. It stars Freddie Highmore, the kid who played Charlie in a certain recent film involving chocolate and Johnny Depp, along with Madonna for some reason that people like Liz and Valerie cannot fathom. However, it also stars the singer of one of Liz's favorite film songs, none other than the inimitable David Bowie.

The animation appears very cool, with a hint of The Dark Crystal and maybe some Treasure Troll mixed in. It is a bit weird that there appears to be a romance between the ten-year-old protagonist and the princess (played by Madonna), but after The Professional and Jean Reno's unhealthy fixation on Natalie Portman, Liz and Valerie figure that Luc is into that sort of thing.

When you wanna go Wii

Valerie is totally stoked about the Nintendo Wii (whee!), which now has an official release date and price: November 19 and $250, respectively. This is way better than what Sony is currently proposing; the PS3 will be released in the US on November 17, but will cost at least $500 (or $600 if you want the fancy model), and only about 400,000 units will be available nationwide (as opposed to millions of happy little Wiis roaming the country). Naturally, bratty kids with rich parents will probably go for both, but Valerie's nonexistent money is already setting up a tent and sleeping bag at the nearest Nintendo retailer.

And there was much rejoicing

Valerie's coworker just got back from Hong Kong, with presents! Valerie is now the proud owner of the Infernal Affairs trilogy, which Liz worships with much ferocity. If you have not seen at least the first movie, you are definitely missing out. It's a drama about two men who are undercover; one is a cop who infiltrated the mob, the other is a mob guy who infiltrated the police. Naturally, intrigue and violence ensues.

This trilogy is so awesome that it is now the most popular trilogy in Hong Kong. The films boast an incredible cast of up-and-coming actors on the Hong Kong scene and trusty veterans like "The Great Anthony Wong." (Seriously, that's what the trailer voice calls him.) If this isn't enough to make you add the films to your Netflix queue, check out the trailer Liz made.

The movies are so cool, in fact, that Martin Scorsese is remaking them, with the release of the first one impending. Liz and Valerie aren't sold on Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon starring, but it could be good despite them. Kind of like how Keanu Reeves manages to end up in good movies somehow...

Never get involved in a land war in Asia

Although perhaps Liz's love for the Far East isn't quite the same as this guy's, it is nonetheless great. Liz owns more Asian films than most white girls will see in their lifetimes, and that is totally awesome.

Music Video du Jour

Despite the fact that Valerie disagrees with the underlying message, this song from Weird Al's new album is most excellent and you should check it out. The visuals make the whole thing worthwhile.

Optioned Series du Jour

Pete Jackson has forked over some of his own cash to secure the rights to "Temeraire," a historical fantasy series that answers the question you've always asked yourself: "What if the Napoleonic War involved dragons?" Details are still sketchy because the news basically broke this morning, but this means that Liz and Valerie will have to procure these books and see what all the fuss is about.

New and arguably improved

Today marks the introduction of a new format, ideally easier to navigate and edit. Plus, now you can comment on Liz and Valerie's resplendent ramblings; does it get any better? Possibly, but Liz and Valerie don't see how.